My brain hurts

Oh the days when I sat and typed. Typed until I had half numb crippled fingers. A brain full of ideas. What happened? I never thought writer's block was a real thing, until it struck me. And I am not sure that is what is going on. I have tons of ideas for more books to write. Its just a matter of being interested enough in one of my ideas to dive deep into the world. I have to have a connection to my writing. I have to feel it. Sometimes I feel like I am mourning the loss of something when I think about Wingless. Wingless is my one true love. (in writing). Its that story that I feel so mesmerized, infatuated and a slave to. Who would have thought a book you created could have such sacred ties to your life. Its kind of funny actually. After writing so many stories about Evan and Eve, Kenny, Gray and Ari I really feel like they are hard to let go. But I believe its time to let them go. I have for a while now been playing with ideas in my mind. Could I come up with another story for Wingless? And finally I believe the answer to that is no. My writing has improved and I know I have the capability to give readers what they loved from Wingless in other books I write. So no worries, I am sure there will be other books to come that have the same effect. Just yesterday I got my very first review on Ink. And I was so happy. I have been waiting patiently (not really) to hear someone's thoughts on my newest book. To me its a bit different the my usual writing style. And I really am in love with it. I read it back and was so addicted, and it was me who wrote it. haha. I think it turned out to be a very great story. And the review I got yesterday agreed! It was probably the greatest review ever. It was everything I wanted to hear and that just made my day, week and year. Over the last week or so I have been driving myself mad with coming up with another story. I have ocd with writing. I have to write. I need to write everyday. I stared some stories, but I was bored a few pages in, so then I knew it wasn't the one for me to be writing right now. I also am collaborating with my best friend on a story idea. But, she needs some time before she and I start this project so that is on the back burner. And that was something my brain was ready to conquer. I guess I will try patience but I have no idea how being patient works, so we will see how that goes. Also I was writing a story with my best friend and another friend, I lost interest in the story and school started so it was hard to pull myself back into the saddle, so we decided to make it a short story. Lately I feel like I can't focus on anything in my thoughts for longer then 12.2 seconds. Its maddening. I try to get one task conquered at a time but I am always sidetracked by a kid, phone, cooking, cleaning, Facebook, life, some other task. All three of my kids are in school now. So I have time to write for sure. Now I am scrambling to collect my thoughts and jot them all on paper. So I can start another story, because that would put me back into my happy place. There are a few constants I need in my life to feel like I am aligned with the world. (my world that is lol) and that is writing and music. I am that person that needs a means of expression. I need to let out my thoughts, I need to express my feelings- be it happy, sad, excited, energetic, amused. And listening to music and writing lets those things come out. I have loved writing since I can remember, and now its an addiction. One that I will never go to rehab for. Lastly, I am trying to grow my fan base. Trying to promote and get more readers. What a hard task. I have the vision in my mind. I want to share my writing with the world. Become a known name in many households. Not everyone is going to like my writing or style, but there are those that do. And I want to connect with them. I want people to anticipate my next book. To continue to be moved by my writing. I want to be the change! Well... maybe its not that dramatic of a desire, I don't want to take over the world. But I want to be an author that people say is their favorite. And most importantly I just want to write!! Now that I have let all my crazy thoughts out, I will go tend to other things in life. *runs away*

Just a thought

As I sat folding my laundry, I realized that today was the day that my father passed away. He was fifty years old. And although I didn't have tons of memories with my dad, I had some. And those I still hold onto. No part of me is angry at him. I know he was a good man. And even though I didn't have the greatest relationship, or the ideal one. I had one and I am grateful that I got to know him at all.
He was the one I looked like, the one I related to in my life. Even when he wasn't there. I still remember his laugh, or how tall and looming he was. Or how he would always get on my case in such a laidback playful manner. He had this smile that made you want to smile. And a contagious energy.
I'll always remember the times when I was a teen and called him up late at night to come pick me up. Some nights I waited for awhile, but he usually showed. And we would go get pizza together.
He was proud of me when we reconnected when I was older. He came to my graduation. He got his friend to make me my favorite dessert. (Cherry Cheesecake)
My cousin always shouted when I was over there- "Hey Stan Jr!" because I looked so much like him.
Its funny to me how someone passes and they always stay on your mind. I think about him all the time. All the what ifs, the things that I wished could have happened but didnt. But, the one thing I am grateful for is the time we had together. I am sure I will always have unanswered questions. And always regret a lot, but at least I knew him.
I still remember the day I found out he had died. My mom scared the crap out of me. I thought it had something to do with my husband. And that reminds me of the week before. I had just had my son three months earlier, and I told my mom that I was going to write him a letter. Write him and tell him about his first grandson. And send him pictures of all three of my kids. These were his first grandkids. I was eight hours away from home. So writing was the only thing I could do at the time. But life happened and I didn't write that letter. So three months after having my son, my husband was coming home from deployment in Iraq. He was maybe a day away. And that's when I received the news-- via my mom. That my dad had passed away. It was hard to process there would never be a chance again to talk to him. And the one thing I know now, don't take people in your life for granted. Because they could be gone really soon. Sooner then you expect!
I hope he is happy. I wish I could have been there for him at the end, because I would have. I was told he died of lung cancer, and I wish I could have been there with him on his last days. Thats my only wish.
If things are like they say maybe he sees me and his grandkids. But no one knows that for certain.
I just thought I would talk about my dad, its a really good way to let out the stress of his passing. Because ever since that day a little part of me has remained sad. And its good to let out your feelings. Its good to remember those we lost.

whirlwind of thoughts

I figured I would spew forth some of my thoughts before bed. I have a lot on my mind, such as growing older. Its my birthday, and I really don't have any feelings on it. I'm now 28, I don't feel any different really. No gray hairs or wrinkles yet, so thats good. I guess I can say I am wiser, in all the years your lucky enough to still be alive its best to grow smarter, I mean what else is the point in living if you just get even more stupid?
I was also thinking about writing and why when I want to write is when I am not able to. And then the other times when I could I just don't feel like it. Its a really strange thing. I told the hubs the other day I wish a book could be written in like five minutes because this new one is complete in my mind, now its just a matter of purging it all onto paper.
Also today, I came up with an idea for another WINGLESS, yeah I said it. I think its a beautiful idea and a way to start fresh. I wonder what the readers will think.
My new book is coming along, need to bounce it off of my best friend like I always do to get her thoughts on it. This is what I always do, my process. I write and send her chapters,she reads and we sort of gossip like school girls at lunch about the characters. I guess my aim for this story is another romance but with fresh new characters and this new idea, the idea involves music and tattoos. And I do believe it holds a twist like Wingless that makes it very original.
I started two new books today, and I'm sure anyone who reads my blogs can tell how scattered I am. But yes I started two new books today, Fallen by Lauren Kate. And so far its slow, that doesnt mean I don't like it. But so far kind of has me feeling a bit depressed and dark. That could be because of today really. I sometimes am really bothered when I hear about celebs dying. ( I don't know why) maybe cuz any death scareds the bejeezus out of me. But really its just a sad reality that people can die, and people die when they least expect it. And then I feel horrible thinking about how the people who were close to them feel, and my brain shoves me into this place where I sit and think and try to feel what they are feeling, I'm sure that is why I am a writer haha.
I also started reading Jenny Pox and I actually like it, its gritty and sad. And I love how its kind of raunchy in a good way. So far I am pleased, but poor Jenny.
And as my addiction for music grows larger I am on the prowl for more music. Music is such an obsession I crave it, I literally feel sick almost when I don't hear it each day of my life, I wonder if that is normal. If not I dont care, music makes me feel good, its soothing, it balances my brain, my thoughts, my everything.
And lastly I am working on a new goal: Extreme Couponing!!! I am super excited. I am going to try and do what they do on tv, its almost like a game to see how much I can save. I recently discovered the show, and Nate Berkus had some of the coupon ladies on today and it just really propelled me into the idea. I want to try, I really want to see if I can do it. If anything it should prove interesting.
Alright seeing now that I am 28 I know old people arent suppose to stay up late. So I must get some rest so I don't break a hip tomorrow haha

Sitting her enjoying the morning, its sunny outside but not warm. Man I wish spring would come already. I am listening to Colbie Colliat, about to start finishing up the editing of one of my books. I read a good tip for authors, you can never edit enough! That's for sure, I feel like I have read my book series about a million times. And I still enjoy it every time, so that's a good thing. I absolutely love Amazon Kindle its been amazing for getting my book out there. I have sales everyday, and people are buying the next books in the series. I brainstorm everyday for more marketing ideas/promoting ideas, and so far I think I am doing good at that. But I could always use more ideas. Well off to read and edit. Everyone have a amazing day!