My brain hurts

Oh the days when I sat and typed. Typed until I had half numb crippled fingers. A brain full of ideas. What happened? I never thought writer's block was a real thing, until it struck me. And I am not sure that is what is going on. I have tons of ideas for more books to write. Its just a matter of being interested enough in one of my ideas to dive deep into the world. I have to have a connection to my writing. I have to feel it. Sometimes I feel like I am mourning the loss of something when I think about Wingless. Wingless is my one true love. (in writing). Its that story that I feel so mesmerized, infatuated and a slave to. Who would have thought a book you created could have such sacred ties to your life. Its kind of funny actually. After writing so many stories about Evan and Eve, Kenny, Gray and Ari I really feel like they are hard to let go. But I believe its time to let them go. I have for a while now been playing with ideas in my mind. Could I come up with another story for Wingless? And finally I believe the answer to that is no. My writing has improved and I know I have the capability to give readers what they loved from Wingless in other books I write. So no worries, I am sure there will be other books to come that have the same effect. Just yesterday I got my very first review on Ink. And I was so happy. I have been waiting patiently (not really) to hear someone's thoughts on my newest book. To me its a bit different the my usual writing style. And I really am in love with it. I read it back and was so addicted, and it was me who wrote it. haha. I think it turned out to be a very great story. And the review I got yesterday agreed! It was probably the greatest review ever. It was everything I wanted to hear and that just made my day, week and year. Over the last week or so I have been driving myself mad with coming up with another story. I have ocd with writing. I have to write. I need to write everyday. I stared some stories, but I was bored a few pages in, so then I knew it wasn't the one for me to be writing right now. I also am collaborating with my best friend on a story idea. But, she needs some time before she and I start this project so that is on the back burner. And that was something my brain was ready to conquer. I guess I will try patience but I have no idea how being patient works, so we will see how that goes. Also I was writing a story with my best friend and another friend, I lost interest in the story and school started so it was hard to pull myself back into the saddle, so we decided to make it a short story. Lately I feel like I can't focus on anything in my thoughts for longer then 12.2 seconds. Its maddening. I try to get one task conquered at a time but I am always sidetracked by a kid, phone, cooking, cleaning, Facebook, life, some other task. All three of my kids are in school now. So I have time to write for sure. Now I am scrambling to collect my thoughts and jot them all on paper. So I can start another story, because that would put me back into my happy place. There are a few constants I need in my life to feel like I am aligned with the world. (my world that is lol) and that is writing and music. I am that person that needs a means of expression. I need to let out my thoughts, I need to express my feelings- be it happy, sad, excited, energetic, amused. And listening to music and writing lets those things come out. I have loved writing since I can remember, and now its an addiction. One that I will never go to rehab for. Lastly, I am trying to grow my fan base. Trying to promote and get more readers. What a hard task. I have the vision in my mind. I want to share my writing with the world. Become a known name in many households. Not everyone is going to like my writing or style, but there are those that do. And I want to connect with them. I want people to anticipate my next book. To continue to be moved by my writing. I want to be the change! Well... maybe its not that dramatic of a desire, I don't want to take over the world. But I want to be an author that people say is their favorite. And most importantly I just want to write!! Now that I have let all my crazy thoughts out, I will go tend to other things in life. *runs away*

The moment

The moment I knew I wanted to be an author was when I was eleven. I was always the kid who used their imagination more then any physcial objects. I remember running through my back yard making up stories (ok more like musicals) and not a single toy in hand. Just my imagination creating this whole world that only i could see, and it was fun. And then I tried writing plays because I wanted to just do dialouge of characters nothing more, but I felt like that wasn't enough. So I started cutting out magazine clippings of people that resembled my characters, I needed to see more of what these ideas looked like. Sometimes the only outlet I had for expression was my writing as a kid, I won't deny I had a lot of issues going on in my mind. And writing let out my feelings of anger, sadness etc. It really made me feel so much better. And as I got older I continued to write out my feelings, I grew up and sailed away from writing for awhile. But something simple brought me back, and now writing to me is fun,poetic, expressive and awesome (lol). When you are a part of this crazy world you find it so easy to write, when you really feel strongly about a passion you will do anything to make it happen. Writing to me is what I was meant to do, and I will continue to bust my a%* to keep doing what I love. Everyone should do what they love...what do you love?